pOlArBEaR

Sometimes cheating yourself is really a good way to make yourself feel better …but same method doesn’t work at different time ….

~while i always think how happy i am to be compared with the people here , maybe i am not that happy actually…yeah i really think that the people here are so poor as everyday i saw the children here beg for foods , for money as they are really hungry … they don’t care what you gave them…maybe a piece of biscuit , a halfly drank mineral water , or maybe the foods that left after you eat a restaurant … they will even fight for it !!! Beggars fight among beggars …from 2 years old to maybe some of them are old folks …just for something we throw away .something we don’t want anymore….

- 1st time i saw this happen… 03 March 2009 - my tears filled my eyes suddenly as it was really touching … how poor they are , hungry as they havent eat for few days …cold as the day is raining & the cloth is too tiny & they don’t even have a place to leave … they only sleep under any shop with roof …

*from that day onward i started to feel how blissfull i am to be myself … to be where i am today …to get enough foods ,clothes ,a place to leave ,money to use to buy things i like but they don’t even have money to buy what they NEED …

-12 April 2009 - After about one & a half month over here . i started to get use with the lifestyle here …i started to gain new friends , get to used with the foods here but still i am quite bored with the works here …as its really hard for me to communicate with the staffs here so eventually i LOOK alike a useless guy in my working place ….being a quite capable person last time by turning into a useless FUN CHEONG over here give me quite a big impact as i really feel so down & bad …i even get scolded saying that i am DAMN USELESS !!! But actually its not my fault …coming to a place you don’t know at all is really hard to survive …now i get to learn how hard is life where you are far away from home , from your beloved family & friends ….struggling with difficulties on your very own …walking by yourself in a really long & dark road ….its really a tough journey this time …cry is not the way out  but what else i can do beside cry…???  I have done my best ….i m so tired …i miss my everything at Malaysia so much ….as i am really lonely here …how good if i can have you by my side …at least i can softly lean on your shoulders & cry till i satisfied …i gotta be tough …i gotta act like i am really tough but the wind is too strong for me to walk in & the waves was to high for me to pass by…i am a human too…God..can you please light up my night & lead me on to the sunrise…